Review Policy

As of October 2017 I am once again available to review works of erotica, with the following policy in place. If you agree to all the items on the policy, please feel free to send me your work to review. If you disagree with even a single one, please don’t. Particularly pay attention to number 1.

I’m interested in all flavours of erotica with regard to pairings. Give me one, two or more people and let them go wild. I don’t care if they’re male, female or any other gender. However, I’m not interested in any of the following:

  • underage (should go without saying, but I don’t want to be surprised with something) or barely legal where the “barely legal” bit is emphasised as something that’s supposed to be a turn on (basically if you use the words “barely legal” or any similar phrase, it probably isn’t for me, but the simple fact of a character being young isn’t an issue)
  • age play (personal preference, but I’m just not turned on by an adult pretending to be a child). This is different from BDSM games where there are parent/child roles to emphasise the dominant/submissive nature of the relationship.
  • scat or pee, they’re not for me
  • bestiality (supernatural creatures with intelligence don’t count)
  • incest (pseudo incest is fine so long as you don’t somehow make it icky)
  • non-consent is an absolute, absolute, absolute no. Once sex starts, all characters need to be into it at all times. This extends to anything where a character is badgered into doing something they really didn’t want to (this can be a fine line sometimes – if it’s clear that the character does want to and is just shy/coy then that’s different to not being given a choice, but your storytelling needs to make it clear).
  • Impregnation. Obviously, sometimes characters that have sex together also have babies together and live happily ever after. In erotica this is unlikely (it’s more of a romance theme) so by impregnation I mean trying to make this into a turn on.
  • There may be something I’ve forgotten I don’t like. If your story contains it, I’ll tell you. Honestly, I’m not going to give a bad review just because the theme of your story is something that I don’t like, but forgot to mention on this list.

If your story doesn’t break any of those taboos, great! Read the following policy and then send it my way.

  1. I will review honestly, and I don’t expect to be shouted at, hounded or shunned for it. Exclamations of “your work isn’t any better”, “I thought you were my friend” or “that’s unfair” will be ignored, and I might block you. Don’t retaliate by giving bad reviews to my books – remember, it only makes you look bad and unprofessional, and will put others off reviewing anything you write. If you send me something to review, you’re giving me permission to say what I think of it, publicly both here in my blog and on Amazon. Sometimes, I might not like what I’m sent, but I am never ever ever cruel. I’ll give my honest star rating using the system below, but I’m not about to rip apart your baby.
  2. Don’t ask me to give more detail than is in the review. If I don’t award a star for readability, for example, don’t ask me to tell you which bits broke the flow. I’m not your editor. Unless I am your editor, in which case I shouldn’t be reviewing your work (conflict of interest).
  3. Since star ratings cause me the biggest headache when reviewing, I’ll be using a system where I award 1 star for each of the following things being “good”. Good is totally my opinion. If I don’t award a star for one of the categories then that doesn’t necessarily mean I didn’t like the book, or even that it didn’t have any merit in that category, just that it didn’t deserve a star.
    1. Sexiness
      Perhaps the most important thing for erotica. Did it turn me on? If it did, you’ve got a star right out of the gate.
    2. Readability
      Did it flow nicely? Were there a lot of mistakes that distracted or detracted?
    3. Characters
      Was I interested in the characters? Since I’m most turned on by characters that I’m interested in, this one and #1 are very closely linked.
    4. Story
      Was I interested in the story? Or was it just masturbation fodder? Masturbation fodder isn’t a bad thing – I love to masturbate – but if you can also intrigue me with the plot then there’s an extra star right here for you.
    5. Value for Money
      This one is tricky with erotica. A lot of the time, the story is going to be very short, and the book might well be better for it. My main criteria here is, if I had paid for the story, would I feel like I got my money’s worth? If I ended up in a sweaty, sticky heap on the floor that’s probably a “yes” even if the story’s only a page long.
  4. I will read as much or as little of the story before giving the review as I want to. If I read the start and don’t feel like I have the time or the inclination to finish it, I’ll review based on what I’ve read. I probably won’t mention in my review that I did this. I might also skip to the end just to make sure it doesn’t lose its fizz or suddenly become awesome. That may be unfair to the rest of your story, but I honestly don’t have time to read all of everything, and this was why I stopped reviewing before. If you’re likely to be annoyed that I didn’t read all of your story, don’t send it to me. Will I skip to the sex if I don’t have time to read all of the backstory? Hell yes!
  5. My review will probably be short. I’ll basically run through the five categories above and maybe give a bit of extra detail where needed.
  6. If it happens that my review is going to result in zero or one stars, which I highly doubt, I’ll speak to you about it rather than writing the review. Only those stories with 2 or more stars will get reviews, which means that all of the stories I review will have merit. Yay! 2 stars for sexiness and characters? That’s a win, even if it was hard going in places and a bit overpriced.
  7. I’ll get around to reviewing in my own time. If you can’t or won’t wait, don’t send it.
  8. I’d prefer to read stories that have an Amazon page. That’s so that I can link to it and get a few cents if someone buys your book. If it doesn’t have an Amazon page… speak to me on Twitter. I might do it anyway.

If you’re happy with the policy, get in touch with me on Twitter and I’ll give you an email address to send your story to!