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I stood, holding the scissors, snipping them in the air at him like he was next. His clothes lay in tatters at my feet, frayed edges standing to attention like miniature soldiers on a miniature battlefield.

“She confessed everything, Joe,” I said. “Everything.”

He was on his knees, his bottom lip trembling, his eyes darting back and forth as he tried to think of an excuse, and then came up blank. “I swear, I haven’t ever… I don’t even fancy her.”

I nodded. “Sure.”

Turning, I caught sight of his cologne. I picked it up and weighed it in my hand while I stared at him.

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“Please, Joanna, this is all just a big -”

I threw it at him but he ducked and it smashed against the wall. The room filled with a smell like cat piss. It smelled like him.

“You want to know what, Joe? I don’t care,” I said, and I grinned. “I don’t care because you’re a fucking loser. You want to know what else? I fucked Chris.” He shook his head but I nodded. “You remember when you were away last November? Well I got lonely. And he is such a good man, Joe, such a very good man.”

“No,” he said. He wiped a hand across his eyes. “No. No, you didn’t. Why are you saying this?” He spat phlegm and snot on the floor as he crouched. “Oh God, why is Diane doing this to me? Why would she say that?”

I couldn’t believe it. “Just stop pretending! She’s been begging you to tell me for months.” He looked up. “Oh yes, she told me that too. You’re disgusting. Making her lie to me like that.”

He didn’t say a thing. He just kept shaking his head and crying against the floor.

Just then, my phone rang. It was her. Diane.

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Despite what she’d done, she was my best friend. We argued, I called her names, I stormed out of her house. But now. I don’t know. It felt wrong to hold her responsible. I picked up the receiver.

“Not now, Diane.”

“I’m sorry -”

“It’s fine.”

“No,” she sniggered on the other end. “You stormed out before I could say -” she took a breath “- April Fools!”